Trusting

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I love my little garden angel. As he rests so peacefully among the ivy and the weeds, I am reminded how I too can rest like that, even in an imperfect garden.

The last few years of my life have certainly been less than perfect and for a very long time all I could see were the weeds. Grief, anger, and especially fear – they all grew among the weeds.

Last year I  was alive, but just barely.  My journey of healing began as God pulled me up and out of my stupor.  I guess it took me awhile to catch on to God’s gentle leading, so He literally had to drag me like an angry toddler, kicking and screaming into what came next. Not wise enough to realize he was only doing what was best for me, I got angry. I complained. Loudly.

Finally, exhausted by my own tantrum, I surrendered. Obviously my way wasn’t working. I asked God to step in and take over and he did.

This year I have learned that God finds us in the depths of our despair, not when we’re on top of  of things. Suffering became  the beginning of my healing journey.

When we truly surrender and allow God to work in our lives, that’s when the real healing begins. God literally creates a new heart within us which gives us the ability to transcend, accept and grow beyond our tragic experiences. We still have free will, so who we ultimately become as a result of our experience is a choice. It’s not what happens to us that matters so much as what we do with it. Will we get bitter, or use our healing to heal others?

Even if we don’t know what’s next,  we can keep looking, stay open, keep seeking and asking God to lead us.  Rather than use the unknown as an excuse to do nothing, we can let go of  fear and resistance and follow the call of spirit. The answer will come.

I am learning that God can use us in any capacity once we have fully surrendered to his will for our lives.

Don’t anticipate what you’ll find on this healing journey. I have found that when we are moving in the right direction, things will flow together, doors will open and people will show up to help. Magical things happen when we make the decision to put God first place in our life, and surrender to doing it his way, not ours.

So for today, I am trusting.