The Middle

Most stories start at the beginning. Mine starts in the middle, halfway between Once Upon a Time and Happily Ever After, smack dab in the middle of my life.

What happens to us when we don’t start at the beginning, is there any penalty? The middle holds so many questions, but along with those questions, there is an advantage.  By the time you get to the middle, you’ve lost the desperation of the past and have gained some perspective. There’s anticipation for the future, for whatever’s next. The middle may not be the great finale, but at least it is proof that yesterday hasn’t broken you.

I should probably tell you up front, that I am not a brave person. But after this past year I’ve realized that I can be brave for the people I love.  I helped my Mother die peacefully at home, yet helplessly watched as illness and disability destroyed my sister. After the difficult decision to take my sister off life support, I stayed beside her until she died.  I grieved the loss of the father I knew to dementia and an online dating scam. Our family home is gone.

Never have I felt closer to God, even as I was shaking my fist skyward and yelling “Are you serious? How much more do you think I can take?”

I do know, that when we truly allow God to work in our lives, that’s where the real healing begins. As we are healed, we can go on to heal others. I could not save my Mother or my Sister or even my Father. But my hope is that I can use my experiences and what I have learned to help others.

My healing journey has taken me to unexpected places. I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have hiked up Mt Shasta, fasted, prayed, meditated and held the Downward Dog. I have been Reiki’d, massaged, hot stoned and pummeled with a meat cleaver.  I’ve taken so many herbal remedies I’ll never be constipated again and have had enough acupuncture that I should be a sprinkler by now.  I participated in a sweat lodge, pipe ceremony, and had my soul “retrieved” by a Shaman.  I have met people from all walks of life and of every religion and I have been astonished by serendipity and happy accidents. In each and every one of them, I have seen God’s hand.

So my hope for you  is that you too will allow yourself this gift of healing. Join me on this journey. Feel what you need to feel and experience what you need to experience. Face your monsters, let go of destructive, unhealthy relationships and  leave the past behind.  You will come out on the other side of this unburdened, lighter and healthier.